Here are a few reasons why. Where you live and work can heavily depend on where your spouse gets accepted to medical school, where they match for residency and what jobs are available when they finish. As a spouse of someone trying to become a doctor, their lack of flexibility means that you may have to be extra flexible in pursuing your own educational and career goals and your dreams of where you want to live. Oftentimes your spouse will have to work on holidays and you may have to celebrate it on a different day or just go on without them. You can do your best to make plans with your Dr. In some specialties, your spouse can only request vacation weeks a few months in advance, which can make it difficult to plan extensive vacations like cruises or trips out of the country.
To embrace each others needs and interests, it seems I am destined to long for this connection into eternity. I am a fierce supporter of him and of his profession but at high cost to my own individuality. If someone isn't dying then it is unlikely to be important. I think one has to become somewhat vulnerable and broken to truly experience the best side of happy- and he will not, and can not allow that to happen.
Point is, I can push myself to my extreme physical ends and he has barely broken a sweat. We are at odds about this constantly. Now, lest you look at this all and say, "sheesh, go to counseling! I'm beginning to think that it should be a monthly visit no matter what?
Very pity why is dating a doctor so hard confirm. All above
Anyway, I'm sad and disappointed and I know that it will be my job to keep the marriage together. With his compartmentalized mind, if I walk away, he will close that door and move on. I know that sounds cold but if you train under stress for that many years and become a member of a masochistic not the sexual context fraternity like that of surgical residents, then you more easily shut out anything that might break down those walls.
Volnerability is weakness. Their pain is guarded within the confines of their professional experience. Anyway, i know that this is not the experience of every surgical marriage but i guarantee most of them can relate in some way or another. My husband says he will not compromise and that his physical activity is his priority.
He does not place the marriage above it. Where does that leave me? Rhetorically speaking. Very well said- I hear you. Having been married to a doctor for 23 years, and met him 5 years before that, I totally understand where you're coming from! We are empty nesters as well, have 3 beautiful girls and a spacious home in a great neighborhood.
But- while the girls were growing up, he was working full time. His days off he'd play golf, and every weeks he claimed he needed to "get away".
So he would travel, alone, for 5 days or so. I basically raised those girls by myself as we had moved far away from family. If it wasn't for my "Mommy" support group, I don't know what I'd have done. When I tried to talk to him about my day, he couldn't relate and didn't want to hear about it. My day was to menial for him to be concerned about- he had bigger fish to fry. So, I stopped talking, and he doesn't know- or care about who I am.
And yeah- everyone else thinks, "she's got it all! I know other people have their issues as well, but getting along and relating to your spouse are very important to life fulfillment and happiness. I think doctors in general need to de-stress somehow, away from the demands of family like, because their jobs are so demanding of them. I believe we have to make the best of our lives as spouses to physicians and try to find other ways to be happy :. Married to surgeon, now chair, for over 20 years.
Empty nester. Raised the child mostly by myself. Recently moved for his career. So lonely. I think I've finally had enough. Very well said He was home alone on his one day off while I took off with our kids to visit family states away. He had a nervous breakdown- panic attack by 10am. Imagine if I had a panic attack every day at 10am?!?! I miss my husband dearly. We are best friends. And though most people think I'm the difficult one in the relationship they don't realize he is of stronger opinions he just let's me take the heat from outsiders.
I could never put up with the crap he has to put up with but he could never put up with the loneliness I have to put up with Awww this makes me sooo sad. You have to be so strong to be on your own so much! Great post. Very true, and we're just getting started Hubby just began his intern year.
Before it started he got me a puppy that I maybe didn't really want to keep me company to help deal with the loneliness, so at least hopefully he understands. That's one great thing about the internet and blogging That is exactly how I feel! And you are right about people telling you that you are lucky that you married a doctor and should not complain.
I was just told that today when I told a friend how lonely it gets being married to a doctor and how I miss having my bestfriend around. I don't think people really understand how lonely it can get, unless you are married to one! I was going to get engaged to a surgen Indians do go for arranged marriage but my teacher she is married to a doctor asked me if i could manage to sacrifice family time after i get married to a doc.
Well guess wat my engagement got cancelled. Doctors are gift of God but when u marry, family too is important. I am so happy I found this blog. I have been a doctor's wife for almost 8 years. No one understands our lifestyle or how difficult it can be, not even my best friend and or family members no matter how hard they try to.
There have been times in the last three years that we have had to live paycheck to paycheck so the idea of a rich doctor is antiquated in most cases. I feel like I have finally found a sisterhood with a few brothers as well of people who know how I feel and what I deal with on a daily basis.
I am married to an amazing man and physician who cried when he told our 6 year old that he had to cancel on her classroom visit for the second time because he got called into work on his day off, again.
When you are a man married to a female doctor. Let me tell you, it is NOT any easier! The "loneliness" is not an issue for me. Always taking care of our two daughters single handedly is. Every one thinks I'am a single parent.
Many times, that is exactly what it really does feel like Yes I'am all to aware about those silly answers regarding pay and "don't worry be happy" boloney. In truth if I had a chance to "do it all again" type of thing. Would I? I would have to say absolutely NOT!!!!! As a fellow man married to a female Dr. I have to day that I totally agree!! Stay strong. Hey Guys- I as well married a female Doc. Just like having children, you don't know what you have until you live it. I can honestly say we have grown apart thru the years.
Our children 18,13,10 have become a handful. The truth is I miss being together. Her home time is exclusively for the kids and paper work. I really fell that its time for me to move on. But thinking of the children I could not live with myself to do that. I keep the positive thought that it will get better.
Your not alone I married a women ob 20 years ago three kids 19,15,12 Also lost my job as a homebuilder my thoughts are with you. Yup, know how that feels! Despite having three children around, it gets super lonely.
No one understands it, so thank you for sharing your thoughts so I know I'm not alone and not being too needy for feeling alone. True, True! I have been that crazy lady with four kids alone at everything, school events, home events, church events. I even had three kids in with me during a impromptu vaginal examination when I was preggo with my fourth.
Thanks for springing that one on me OB. I have been known to share though because it gets on my nerves when my friends complain to me about how much money we are making Recently by some pure act of coincidence my hubby ended up with a day off on Labor day. So we took the kids camping. A friend of ours who is going to grad school at Duke started complaining to me about how he had to work while Dr. J didn't. Do you have to leave for work at six in the morning and don't get home until you kids are in bed?
Do you work Easter, the day after your baby is born, weekends, nights? Do you work through parent teacher conferences and the entire soccer season? That grad student better be working that hard if he or she wants to make it. I deal better with inattention when he is home better than him as well.
When he is doing these things, he gets really upset with me if I try to talk to him because he's busy. But when I am doing homework or studying, he's usually at my side trying to get my attention or laying on me or otherwise whining that I'm not paying enough attention to him! That's the real issue! Doctor's often set their priorities as: me, my work, my career, and me all over again!
When I give my husband the "busy as hell" attitude he gets worried about our relationship!
When I complain that I spent two days without seeing him and when he arrives home just keeps on answering his phone as if he was at work The other day a colleague called just to complain about a patient of theirs at am saturday! These people have no sense of privacy. No respect for people's time or relationships. The only thing they value it's themselves and their career. Most of them have affairs. Of course they do. And they manage to get the time for it. It's called selfishness and inability to set priorities.
It has nothing to do with their career. It has to do with their character. I completely agree with you! My doctor husband also has a daughter from a previous marriage who he travels to see every other weekend. Anytime he is with me and "our" son he is on call, distracted or "needs" time to watch football and golf.
If I complain I am the bitch who doesn't understand anything. By the way I work full time about 60 hours a week with my company and seem to never miss anything for my kid and can do all his bullshit also.
You all are strong for staying but I just don't see how it is possible long term to live like this. I was so pleased to read that all Doctor's wives are like myself.
We have been married for nearly 28 years and yes I went to parents evening, open days, Christmas play, sports days alone Because of the long hours, it was hard for me to build a career outside the home, I have built one working from home, but was not easy as I do everything that has to do with our family life even when we go on holiday the only thing Dr know is where we are going!
No one appreciates how demanding it is unless they have lived it, many friends over the years said to me "lucky you, you are married to a Doctor!
I respect what my husband does but I have nothing but my pets and a dusty Ivy Leaguedegree. My husband is a doc in the UK so I moved 7, miles for love.
Aug 04, As a dating coach who works with men, I've heard one question asked many, many times. Frustrated, lonely, and disappointed, my clients (and many male friends, family and strangers) ask, why is dating so hard for guys? First, I like to remind everyone that dating is difficult for everyone these days. Women have just as many complaints. Apr 03, Why does finding the right woman seem so hard right now? Why does dating feel so punishing? Are men stuck in a no-win situation? M.S.W., Ph.D., is a doctor . Apr 30, As part of the interview for my book, I asked why it is difficult to be a doctor. Some of it has to do with integrating information and making decisions. "The public thinks that we know more or can do more than we can. Ultrasounds don't mean it's a perfect baby. All of the tests and technology moves so fast that we don't know what we.
Marry a doctor? It takes a special person to be a doctor's spouse. This is a reply to all. I love my husband so much, but 40 years of loneliness has been more than difficult. I went back to school and received a Master's degree from a prestigious university Driving more than an hour each way 6 days a week to so; doing several excavation seasons and tons of research in order to achieve a cherished goal that had been denied me as a young woman.
My family supported me in this. So, one would one think, "yay, she works, has a life and friends and has avoided the ongoing loneliness and "empty nest syndrome".
God and the Goddess had something more waiting for me. About the time I was ready to return for my doctorate a chronic illness hit. Some days there is so much pain that I can barely type.
I can no longer spend more than 30 minutes in the sun.
Opinion useful why is dating a doctor so hard explain
What a joke for an archaeologist! Reading has become difficult, because I have trouble focusing. Hiring someone to read for research does not work for a variety of reasons.
I have this brain trapped after all these years. My advice: if possible, wait for nothing. I cherish my MD husband and Ph. Thanks for listening. Yes, I have considered alternatives.
Physical and logistic issues make the "wonderful ideas and alternative ideas "impossible. I know, there is a world, which I have traveled, that have a life so much more difficult than I. If you can, do it now.
If your doctor husband says "impossible", ignore him. Being what you can even for 2 hours a week will help. The loneliness will always be there. Your opportunities may not. I'm currently dating a medical student and we are serious about having a future together. We have already been through our fair share of struggles as a couple, but we powered through them and are stronger for them. His dedication to do anything to make our relationship work while balancing school is one of many reasons why I love him so much.
I am also in school receiving my doctorate in physical therapy, so it is easy to spend time together because we are both always studying. I love him so much, but I know I will have to make many sacrifices to be together.
I have already agreed to sacrifice my lifelong dream of joining to military for his career which was devastating for me. It was probably the hardest decision I have ever had to make but I love him and want what is best for our relationship. I feel like his degree will completely overshadows me.
Apologise, why is dating a doctor so hard for that interfere
I know because I used to think that. I worked in a hospital for 3 years during undergrad and I was guiltily of thinking exactly that. I have worked very hard for my degree and I want to use it. He wants to be a neurosurgeon and we are only in his second year of medical school. I can deal with the loneliness. Both of my parents were in the military growing up and were deployed all the time. Sometimes their deployments even overlapped, and they missed many birthdays, holidays, and other special occasions.
I know there is a long road ahead and it is not going to be an easy one. Is there any advice the more experienced wives can share?! Good post.
Sad, but good.
I never really thought about the sacrifices the wife of a doctor must make. Lonliness is hard no matter the reason for it. Wow, so nice to know others feel just like me! Like Suha, I have also been married almost 28 years and have done pretty much everything myself for so, so long.
I know I am a strong person but it really does suck sometimes! I won't lie, there are times I have said to myself "what am I doing living like this? It made me so very sad. All people see is the money and that's it!
I really enjoy your blog and your humor. At least I know that there are people who truly understand the medical life. There are many professions that leave the spouse carrying the bulk of every day family life. It certainly isn't easy. While my husband is not a doctor he does have a job that requires very odd hours a-typical of the American and works all holidays.
Takes some getting use to. Like you, I didn't marry for the paycheck wouldn't have done me any good. The ex gets it all lol.
Can look why is dating a doctor so hard are not
It time with him I value most! I think the only thing that can possibly be worse is if he was working in a different country. I've had friends with spouses that got Fulbrights or grants to study in other countries. That's cool and everything until you realize that they're an archeologist or a missionary pilot and are in uncivilized areas with no modern methods of communication.
I think my husband would do okay with the loneliness - just like I do. Because I make myself busy, and I think he would to, with other projects and activities. What's hard for us, is he doesn't understand why I gladly accept extra hours and work and community service projects, which sometimes impinge on the little time we do have to spend together. Being married to a doctor is a difficult thing to balance.
Great post and so very true! I think I handle the lonliness a little better than most because I was an only child and like having my alone time.
But it's the away rotations for months at a time that get really hard! I love this post and this perspective. Mastering the alone time has started to become an art for me I can only imagine how you must feel after doing it for so many more years :.
I am so glad I found your blog today. I am a military doctor's wife, so in addition to the hideous hours, we have deployments. Two deployments, two years away and I've reached the point where it is honestly easier when he is away.
I find there are less disappointments when I know I am completely on my own. If I wasn't such a fighter and survivor I would have given up on this marriage Love this article. Sitting here in the afternoon, I happened to google 'being a doctors wife' because it's a lonely day and I wanted to see if its hard for others, too.
Love this blog! Did my heart good! I feel you on the loneliness. She still has another year of residency but I am hoping she chooses a specialty that is not as demanding on her time. Married to a Surgeon as well. Sometimes not even a quick text most of the time. How some find time for Affairs is beyond me!!! We married in early 30's. Both independent and had the same life goals, family life plans etc. Not happening. Someone or something always has his attention and focus.
Not his wife and kids. They know NO different though. I get that a lot to people saying 'be happy you married a doctor' 'u will have a glamorous wonderful life' they would not get it unless they be one-that is being a docs wife, the loneliness is the worst especially when your newly wedded and 2nd month of ur marriage he has to go for his night calls in dec, which includes our first christmas :.
I thought I was the only one who barely gets communication throughout the day, not married but am dating a surgeon and have for 6 years. Not sure I want to marry one and live a lonely life, I just want a life partner that can be there for me and any future children. If I knew any better going into this relationship I would have stopped. I think about leaving all the time now because by myself there are no disappointments. I'm sorry, but I don't pity you all.
What's not to like about being a doctor's wife? You don't need to worry about living paycheck to paycheck. I guess the only risk is your husband having an affair with someone at work. I'd rather marry a doctor and let him have a mistress on the side if that means not having to worry about money. I envy all you lonely doctor wives. If you don't want your "golden ticket" of the good life, then give me your golden ticket. If you like living on someone else's coat times, them by all means.
You can even spice it up with a little "desperate housewives lifestyle". Though, not everyone is looking for a free lunch out of a marriage. Sorry for the VERY late reply! I'm glad a couple of you doctor wives replied back. No troll here. Just a woman who envies the good life of being a medical doctor's wife.
I stand by my original statement. What's NOT to like about being the wife of a medical doctor? I'm a single, financially independent woman. You know what? It's overrated. I'd rather marry a rich doctor and let him have his affair s on the side just so long as I don't have to work anymore.
I don't pity you at all! You really don't know how great you have it. This is such a misinformed statement. We DO live paycheck to paycheck. The idea of a rich doctor is almost antiquated. There are some left but most people don't even realize the thousands of dollars a year that go into keeping your job such as license renewels sometimes for several states if your practice in on a border and has more than one siteCME, malpractice and other insurance, hospital privileges or several if your practice has to cover several surgical sites and facilities in order to stay openetc.
We often wonder how we will pay our bills sometimes. On top of that, we don't have personal time for each other and as a family often. I take offense to your statement about affairs. You insult my husband who is as faithful as they come and does everything he can to spend time with us and to help out. Yet, this life is hard on the whole family. By the way, I have had to get another job to help make ends meet.
We are here looking for the other people who live this life and understand how difficult and, at times, painful this career is with which to live since the majority of people think like you until they see our families in action. I have had several people tell me that now that they know our family all preconceived notions of the "doctor's wife" and the lifestyle of a doctor have completely changed.
That's the difference - marrying for love vs marrying for a paycheck. If you marry for a paycheck and a lifestyle, you are nothing but a gold digger and therefore won't MIND if your husband has a mistress on the side. As a Christian one's values won't allow an affair on the lonely spouse' part either - but that probably won't bug you by the sounds of it! All you care about is the paycheck.
Why not rather find yourself a rich sugardaddy and leave the docs alone! Don't think it's just women married to male physicians who suffer. I have searched for a blog, or some support group for men struggling to figure out how to survive being married to a female physician, especially of an extremely demanding subspecialty.
I'm married an interventional cardiologist; and I wish I only knew 5 years ago before she started her fellowship what the heck I was signing up for.
I had a business, 3 engineering degrees, numerous patents, and was working countless hours a week to try and keep a roof over our heads, make sure she was fed, the house was clean, bills were paid, etc. But, when you're married to a doctor, know that doctors don't sacrifice for their marriages.
Being a doctor means you sacrifice for others, and your family and spouse sacrifices while standing in the shadows of your career. In 5 years, one thing has become certain to me.
If only I knew.
The struggle is real. I tiptoed into my current relationship with a medical student dating two years, med school is almost overand one of the first things I brought up when he was pursuing me and he pursued me HARD was that I would not be the kind of person that would date a doctor.
I tried telling him that I know myself enough that I would not be happy in this kind of relationship. He totally blew me off and said "blah blah blah" and it was so early in our relationship that I was taken aback and didn't push the issue then and there.
I loved being single, and I love dating him now, but demanding rotations are giving me an idea of what his surgical residency will be like except that I know it will be x I have spent hours and hours and hours on blogs like these, trying to understand if it will be worth it- worth the very real possibility of losing my identity, of boxing myself in career-wise, of never being in control of where I live, of a thousand lonely nights.
Sometimes I wonder if it's "Better to end it now and cut off the limb and let the stump heal". I fear the idea of growing to resent him. Your comment is SO spot on in my experience. I am a lawyer married to a surgical oncologist. We had our first child about a year into the relationship. Until then I didn't have much of a problem with his lifestyle because I still had my freedom and could focus as much as I wanted on a career.
After our child was born, I can say that my resentment of my husband started to grow and overshadow the respect I have for what he does. All I can think about is the fact that his schedule means that I will have to be the one to shoulder all the parenting and household responsibilities. Certainly not my husband. He is not willing to cut back on hours or ever get off of his career track. Additionally we have no family nearby for me to rely on for help or just to combat loneliness. When you said that the doctor spouse sacrifices for their patients and their family sacrifices for the doctor's career, it really described my situation.
And I resent being viewed as just the wife of a doctor rather than my own person with her own accomplishments and aspirations. Wow i am in the exact same position.
He just started studying for the boards. I don't know what to do. Wow i am dating a dr and love him so much but i wonder if love is enough. I know you love her but is it worth it? Anonymous, you are right. It's not a gender issue or money issue. I think that Doctors have to be selfish to a degree. They are at the service of others at the expense of their family. My husband is on call today, gone the entire weekend. He is dealing with the aftermath of a failed suicide while I spend my time trying to keep busy at home.
There is no way I can compete with a suicide!!! A more unfortunate soul needs him right now as much as I need him. My loneliness is something that I try to manage with an antidepresants and cognitive therapy. Will things get better?
I hope so; otherwise I will have spent the best years of my life putting him thru grad school and med school. As a physician buckling under the stress, my assigned counsellor who is also a church minister told me: practice first, then children, then self, then spouse - which is his perception of the order of dependence.
So, what do I do with that? Wow, every word resonates. Even though we don't have kids I know the feeling of spending my Mrs Doctor life alone. Seems some lonely trolls out there too based on above commentor.
Same boat, if we have plans, he usually ends up. Seems he's always on call or on a totally different schedule than I. Money is not everything although the ex certainly has her share.
My mom always said the more you have, the more it owns you, so true. I feel your pain people! All the shopping, cleaning, cooking, laundry, social planning, trips, any children that we may have and work full time too? Me doing everything around the house, running all errands, and working full time doesn't compete with the high stakes work he does and he doesn't understand how hard I am working also because of his job.
My mom was a single mother with a lower than average income working full time so she understood that ct. I'm not marrying to be a single, working mom with money. It is a tradeoff at best. Anonymous, You are definitely one of the the club!
Sep 06, Its so good to be a part of this truthexchange-sow.com reading the article I could actually picturize my near future.I am in relationship with my fiance for almost a truthexchange-sow.com is an truthexchange-sow.com lie he is so very loving and caring understands me feeling,but I must say loving and dating a doctor is really truthexchange-sow.com our differences in work field(I am. Nov 30, Now, luckily, the world's kinda big, so the remaining 5 percent of the gender of your choice is still a plentiful million or so people. Even if only 1 percent of those are single enough, good-looking enough, local enough and just all-around cool enough . Feb 12, Why Dating Is Such a Challenge That's because once you find something good, you start to believe there's probably something even better out there, so you keep going, and going, and so .
Here's an incontrovertible fact: Every one of your ancestors survived to reproductive age and got it on at least once with a member of the opposite sex. All the way back to Homo erectus. And even further back to Australopithecus. And even further back to monkeys, to lizards, to the first amphibian that crawled out of the slime, the fish that preceded that amphibian, the worm before the fish and the amoeba that preceded the worm.
And you, YOU, in the year C. Because heaven knows that the amoeba, worm, fish, amphibian, monkey and primitive hominids didn't do a whole lot of thinking. Their DNA had a vested interest in perpetuating itself, so it made sure that happened. Turns out your DNA works the same way, too. And maybe when you're really sloshed at a party and your whole frontal lobe is on vacation in the outer rings of Saturn, you've noticed that your lizard brain knows exactly how to grab that cute girl by the waist for a twirl on the dance floor.
Or knows exactly how to arch your back, flip your hair and glance at that handsome hunk just so such that he comes on over to say hi.
To put it plainly, you are programmed to reproduce. Now quit thinking you're smarter than the 3 billion base pairs in your genome and 4 billion years of evolution. Actually, just stop thinking altogether. Let the program do its work. By virtue or vice of being smart, you eliminate most of the planet's inhabitants as a dating prospect.
Let's say by "smart" we mean "in the top 5 percent of the population in terms of intelligence and education. And if they're going to spend a lot of time with someone, intelligence in a partner is pretty much a requirement.
Well, congratulations - you've just eliminated 95 percent of the world's population as a potential mate, Mr.
What’s it like to DATE a DOCTOR?! Answering your assumptions about dating doctors- Dr Sarah Nicholls
Now, luckily, the world's kinda big, so the remaining 5 percent of the gender of your choice is still a plentiful million or so people. Even if only 1 percent of those are single enough, good-looking enough, local enough and just all-around cool enough for you, that's over a million people you can date out there.
Still, that's less than 1 in 5, people. And if you live in a smaller city, it may be just a handful of folks who are going to meet your stringent criteria. My hearty recommendation is choice A. The purpose of relationship and perhaps all of life is to practice the loving. No partner is going to be percent perfect anyway, so learn to appreciate people for what they have to offer, not what they don't. And love them for that. That's what real loving is. Nobody's asking to lower your standards here; you should still spend time only with worthwhile company.
But do question the standards to see whether they're serving you or you're serving them. When you open your heart to love, you may find fulfillment in ways you never imagined possible - like the day you tried sushi or beer in spite of your trepidation, found it surprisingly alright, and expanded your personal envelope of pleasure.
Why is dating a doctor so hard
Taking that into consideration, given a choice between happy-go-lucky and picky-but-lonely, happy sounds like more fun. News U. truthexchange-sow.com Personal Video Horoscopes. Newsletters Coupons. Follow Us.
Part of truthexchange-sow.com Wellness. Instead of constantly planning and focusing on your future expectations, you can view each new move or life stage as an opportunity to meet new people and gain new experiences. Maybe you might have to sacrifice a dream job or school in order to support your spouse, but you never know what other doors or opportunities may be laying ahead for you. Being married to a doctor is hard. Facebook Twitter Pinterest Youtube Instagram.
Medical life is not very flexible. Sometimes you may feel like a sidekick.
Oct 01, The important thing is to keep moving forward and to go easy on yourself when things do get hard-you don't have to feel guilty for feeling frustrated when you have to move and leave dear friends behind or you have to spend another long night putting the kids to bed by yourself. Being married to a doctor is hard. Why Dating Has Become So Hard. 05/05/ pm ET. Everyone I seem to talk to has the same feeling: Dating has become so hard. It seems like nobody wants to commit anymore, and it seems to be a challenge every single step of the way. You can blame the dating apps.
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